So I am a little fanatic, I am snarky and cynical. I am sometimes "too much", cannot talk to "ordinary people" because I overuse big words, talk about hybrid wars all the time. I get gleeful over deaths of people even (people I consider terrorists, but still). I like to act tough, but I sometimes just cannot. I drink too much, I am sometimes obnoxious and not all of my choices are ethical. I am not a lady (though I do sometimes faint like 19th century heroines and wear uncomfortable shoes... so what the eff you want?) I can love people in theory and from distance, but I am not friendly with everybody... and I don't even pretend to like some people.

Many people do tell me I am not likeable. I get weird looks sometimes. I know people do talk behind my back.

But... is it worth trying to be nice? Can't I just be good, without being necesarily nicety nicey nice?

I am working on the bad parts of my character that bother me... but do I have to break myself to fit in the expectations of what "good" person is? I do consider myself good, behind the facade. I just think some things... do not matter. Do my obnoxious parts undo the good parts? Or is being lovable and lovely overrated?