I don't consider myself to have genuine friendships or any kind of real relationships with others. My entire personality is based on nothing but lies. I do not have the ability to connect with anyone beyond a superficial(for me) level. Other people have perceived me as being close to them but that's simply illusion. I don't have the emotionality to be able to bond with other humans. Empathy is required for things like attachment and love. I lack it, and always have.

Happiness is only a word to me like any word describing most emotions are to me: just empty words. They don't mean anything to me.

It is my lot in life to thrive in what others call "darkness". I don't mind.

Sometimes I can be prone to self-delusion and convince myself for a time that there may be more to me but alas... I cannot stay in that mode for long. I'm always reconnected with the void within my being.

I don't know why people like coming around these forums and trying to sound narcissistic, sociopathic, or psychopathic. I think they probably have a romanticized idea of what it means to live with any of these conditions, among other factors.