Stopping my anxiety med hydroxazine helped my binge eating. I no longer felt the left side of my head behind my ear sending my brain messages: eat eat eat eat eat eat eat

However, I did it without permission, in face, I didn't tell my mental health care team.

Recently with the change of weather, I have started to have bad anxiety and panic attacks again, so I went back on. Gained 4 pounds this week. Went back off 2 days ago, and today I don't have the binge feeling.

I know my eating is more then just a med side effect. It is something I already did sometimes. But I do think my meds make it worse. At this time I am off all my meds without permission. (supposed to take 11 a day for bp, bpd, gad, and blood pressure).

I wish life for me wasn't a constant feeling of fear for the unknown mood, or situation.

I want so much to be thinner - not for appearance, but for my health. It is weird to feel the body begin to break down as it ages. But that is what it is. When I was younger, I guess I thought sheer will was all anyone needed. But really that is wrong. I can't will my knee to not hurt because I am too heavy. I can't will my blood to have less fat in it to protect me from stroke.

I need to be the river of my life, not the leaf floating aimlessly.

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Anyway, on a side note - I am not back. Just coming in to touch base. I see familiar names and I wish them hugs. I wish I was dependable. I don't like forming any relationships because I cannot make obligations. But it doesn't mean I don't care. Hugs to all. Best wishes everyone! <3