I have been in therapy for a while and will be bringing this up with my therapist, but I have this moment in my mind a lot lately as I work through issues.

I was young, we were at hotel for a weekend long party my dad's softball would do yearly.

My dad got a little too drunk a little early, and I remember coming to the room ask for quarters for pac man (dating myself), and I remember he grabbed me rather violently and pulled down on the bed with him (he was on the verge of passing out I think), and he hugged me really really hard and I could smell the alcohol and cigarettes. He started saying how he loved me and how I was a good kid...that kinda stuff. I struggled, wanting to get away and go play and because I was scared...on the one hand it's my dad (I mean I was probably 5-6-7 years old)....on the other the behavior was freaky as hell for me...so much so that it is a very vivid memory from my early childhood, which isn't filled with a hole hell of a lot of good memories...the more I think about it.

Would this be abuse? It was so outta character for him, but maybe the alcohol brought out the hidden self -- the self he wasn't able to show when sober (when he was basically emotionless, except for anger and happiness).

It was traumatic either way....it's one of a few very potent traumatic events I remember from that time in my life...

Your thoughts?