Hello kangaekoto: You wrote you just learned your personality matches dependent, avoidant & paranoid personality disorders. So, one thing I wondered was how you came upon this information. Was this all a diagnosis given to you by a therapist or psychiatrist? Did you participate in some sort of psychological testing? (These are rhetorical questions... I'm not asking for a reply.)

I think there is a danger in becoming too caught up in all of this heavy-duty psychological terminology. One can easily be overwhelmed. Nothing you wrote strikes me as being any kind of insurmountable deficit on your part. If you're a junior in college, perhaps you're still quite young. And I would venture to guess that a lot of people feel much the same way you do.

It is possible that you may be a person who feels awkward, & perhaps even intimidated, in social situations. Not everyone does. But lots of people do. I certainly do. Assuming this is the case with you, it is simply something you'll need to take into account as you continue on in college & plan your career path. To some extent, some of this may resolve as you gain experience. But beyond that, you may simply want to take your social sensitivity into account as you plan your future. Likewise, decision making is a skill one develops as one goes along in life. As likely as not... you'll grow into it.

I once participated in a partial hospital program where they told us: "Don't should on yourself!" I know you wrote you want to make decisions, yell your thoughts when you're angry, etc. From my perspective, I think one of the most unfortunate things we tend to do to ourselves is to set ourselves up by envisioning how we think we should be, or how we want to be. Then we castigate ourselves when we feel we don't measure up. So don't should on yourself...

Learning to accept & work with oneself, just as one is, is the key to happiness, in my opinion. That doesn't mean we can't change, & even improve ourselves over time. But before we can hope to do that, I think we need to find peace within ourselves just as we are. Nothng you wrote suggests to me that this is beyond your reach. I wish you well...