Hey everyone! I'm new to this forum but not to bipolar disorder. I have been diagnosed four times since I was 17 (mid 20's now). I quit my meds and counseling in January because I was convinced the meds were making me fat and the staff was conspiring to make me gain weight. I'm usually a very responsible person but I just can't seem to stay on meds.

I have been depressed and paranoid since, thinking people are stalking me and that random tweets on Twitter are somehow meant for me. I moved away to start a full time internship in August and it's been downhill since. I constantly feel like staff are conspiring to get me fired. I have been having bouts of rage at home and highly restless sleep. I have visions of brutally cutting myself and almost seem to crave it. This morning I heard a demon laughing and taunting me while I was driving to work. It feels like there is an evil force trying to take over my head and I'm clinging onto dear life to keep my sanity.

I'm embarrassed to tell anyone about my symptoms. I feel highly pressured to prove myself at work but I'm afraid I won't be able to act like everything is fine for much longer. I keep telling myself I'll get over it and it's not a big deal. Still, I'm scared and not sure what to do.