Hello everyone, sorry for late reply, I didn't receive any notification in email of replies. Sorry I cant stay long enough to reply to each of your replies, but thank you to everyone who has had something to say here.

Its been about 10 months now, and am deeply depressed as I cant seem to move on with anything, its like I'm a stuck record, and every day is like in the film Ground Hog day. I'm trying to carry on as normal, but everything I try to pursue is like I'm walking in thick fog up a hill. I feel even the new therapists I saw didn't get it either, but that may be because they are trained to show no emotion, empathy, in fact this therapist was at times a little hard on me, tough love I guess.

I was able to walk away from these sessions with no attachment, but the sessions I had where very spaced apart, and I know that the so called attachment I had with last therapist was not all based on just Transference, I actually liked her the moment I met her, there was something there at the beginning.

In either case I still think of her, but with slightly less pain, while I still seek her face when I'm out around town, going through all kinds of scenarios of what I would say to her if I saw her again. Its hard to blame, dislike someone whom you have affection for, I still don't feel anger towards her as I think she just wasn't prepared, or had enough experience to deal with what happened with me.

She may well have done things wrong like not stopping sessions earlier, but I think she meant no bad intentions for me. Little does she know however that the way she ended it was very hurtful. It was almost as if she thought "I really don't like this guy, cant wait to see the back of him" That's a lot of assumptions I know on my behalf, but I still picture her face as she stood there at the door with a slightly annoyed face, like she had cut me off in that second, and we both knew it.

I hope some day she reads this, she will know it was her without doubt, and understand that while we may have clashed in the outside world, you know "It would have been Toxic", or our values may have not matched, in "normal" relationships we get to find these things out so we can move on with certainty, I couldn't, because in our simulated relationship in that room, what ever one wishes to call it, I felt a deep love like id never felt, and it was never returned, this is not therapy, this is emotional torcher. When she said with worlds to the effect of "With it ending at least you don't have to feel this with seeing me" wrong!, I felt it like 1000 times worse, and continued to miss her despite me never knowing her what so ever. Closure can never come from something so confusing, real feelings towards someone whom I don't know, wont ever know, despite me driving past that same building most days knowing she is there. I'm certain that I would have never cheated on my partner, I just needed to deal with these feelings with my therapist so I could move on, there is no after care, no follow up, but a sudden cut off which is wrong.

For the past 10 months iv tried to think of words that describe my anguish, but there are non, instead this is why I think I'm self harming, as that pain comes a little closer in hope it makes the emotional pain seem less in comparison.

Thanks, again for all your comments, maybe one day she will contact me, and ask how I am.