Thank you all so much for your replies and hugs.
It's been 48 hours of shock and then tears.
My kids asked why I was sad. I said I'm going to miss seeing Dr xxx as he's leaving. They thought I missed their father. Sorry, nope! Much happier out of that marriage.
After my suicide attempt last year, I had a couple of social workers assigned to me to help me with the stuff going on at home. They've been great at helping me with the transition to a single parent, getting a protection order, getting counselling for the kids, etc. it's all short term support of 6-9 months. So I guess I was kinda thinking T would still be there after all these people left.
I feel like I can't handle anymore loss. My mind is going nuts with break up songs. Yes I'm attracted to him, but it's more like the loss of a rock, an anchor, my safe place. There was no physical contact with him so it's not quite like a boyfriend breakup.
I was also tempted not to go back again. But I still need to get through the court case next month and set myself up with long term strategies.