((((((((((((((LMo))))))))))))))))))))),

My heart goes out to you, knowing the stress of watching what cancer does to loved ones. I lost my Mother to cancer almost 3 years ago now.

When it effects the brain, it's important to realize that the thought process isn't what it normally was. The best thing you can do is to experience every moment as is comes. Do what you feel is right for the moment....the squeeze of the hand, but hug, the kiss. It isn't something that can be anticipated....it just happens with the love that is there. Sometimes we can't express our feelings the way we would actually want to, but all we can do it the best we can for the moment.

It is sad when we know that we want them to see our future child.....their future...I don't know the beliefs that are held, but I always knew that they would look down on us & see from their safe place in heaven all that is going on & happening, so that helped ease those thoughts (maybe it was just my interpretation so I would feel better, but it did help).

I know with my grandmother & the alzheimers she had, one couldn't get close to her without getting hit, but I knew the love was there anyway....even though the mind made it impossible to show physically....that is when the words we say become so important & even then, there is always the question as to whether they hear what we are really saying.....but it's important to believe that deep inside they are understanding what is truely going on. That is sometimes the only thing that can give us the comfort we need at this time & not to feel guilty that we can't do more.

It sounds like you are realizing things that come out only when we go through emotional times like this....& it's great that you are able to put them into words & get them out....it is a help in understanding outselves & a necessary thing to do when we really get to know ourselves.

I pray that you will have some peace during this time & that your family will come together with strength for each other to help get through this rough time. Sometimes, it helps to have the hospice care help with the care. They have so much experience with cancer & terminal illness & not only help the patient, but the families to deal with all they are experiencing.

You, your family, & your Dad are in my prayers,
Debbie