Mouse,
I'm so sorry your dreams of having your relationship with your adoptive mom repaired have been dashed. It's a lot to take in - the knowledge that she's gone now. Acknowledging that ending will mean wading through ome pretty intense emotions. I'm so glad you have your t to rely on. She can help you navigate through this period of time. She can assist you in deciding how you would like to move forward in life from this point forward...what you would like to achieve without the weight of the past holding you down.