I can really relate to everything you have said on this thread.

I was the outwardly wild one in my youth, and maybe still am, a little, while my friend is wild inwardly. She used to be very creative. Very artistic. And extremely beautiful. Oh my word, such a beauty.

Okay...what I don't like about these toxic relationships is always feeling like I am walking on eggs. My friend will get upset about something but she won't come out and say it. She will hold a grudge for years.

It is the passive aggressiveness I hate. You never know when these people are going to strike. My whole family is like this, my ex was/is like this...and that is the part of toxic I find boring. You know, it just gets old. I hate that feeling of saying or doing the wrong thing and these people will get all touchy and twitchy.

My friend was very difficult as a child. She missed so much school she was always in danger of being held back. She was a very neurotic child. I was her best friend because basically everyone else found her too weird to hang out with. I think I felt sorry for her, a little. Well, now here it is decades later and she is still the one who needs to be the center of attention. She's fragile. Blah, blah, blah.

But, sigh, she is grandfathered in. I don't feel like talking to her but I will probably send her something especially nice for Xmas.

Also...what you said about the breaking off then coming back together...the same for me...I have "let go" of this one best friend several times and somehow she always, always, always ends up back in my life. I was even trying to figure it out recently.

There is a sense of entitlement, I guess. I have had several other friendships with people I have considered better friends, but somehow this one person keeps reclaiming the title.

I would really like to have a friend I could be honest with without them getting all critical or invalidating. Or trying to fix me. I hate that the most.

On the plus side: I will say pretty much anything I want to this friend even if it makes her mad. Presently she is angry because I confided in her that I felt suicidally depressed. That's her territory. How dare I claim it? Haha. I also realize we exchange a ridiculous amount of gifts. Everywhere I turn I am using something she gave me...my favorite bedroom slippers, socks, teatowels, kitchenware. She sends me silly things like socks that have stuffed bunny heads around the cuffs. And I wear them! We have "secret code words" from when we were kids, as well as nicknames. It goes on and on. Also she remembers more from my childhood than I do. Like she remembered the make and color of my bike in grade school. I can barely remember grade school! She remembers the ages of all my siblings. It goes on and on. I guess this is how she keeps herself grandfathered. Haha. I am happy to be writing about this as we had a very bad exchange lately and it upset me for days. Thanks, TishaBuv!