I have long since realized that being in the heat of an argument or drama makes me feel alive like no other situation can do. It's the flood of adrenaline, the dilation of blood vessels leaving me feeling a flush of warmth and the sensation of competition that I guess I thrive on during these moments.

My mother has said I'm better at controlling my "impulsive angry outbursts" now that I'm on Abilify, an antipsychotic and mood stabilizer. However, I feel more and more......placiated and less so alive.

I've read somewhere that this is a product of having what is known as the "warrior gene", or a gene mutation that benefited our ancestors when it came to warriors going into battle. However, in today's society, such an increase in anger and likelihood to confront others is more detrimental than beneficial as not all of us necessarily need to engage in outright battle anymore. This gene is most likely, though not necessarily, present in individuals who display a hair trigger temper, and likelihood to confront authority and rebel against it. A large portion of the criminals in the US justice system who are in there for aggravated assault, and related charges, are likely carrying this gene inside of them, without understanding or knowing why they are the way they are.

I hope you can find some way to not use anger and confrontation to get that "alive" feeling fix, and get it from something healthier and more constructive. Maybe if you do find this constructive outlet, you can share your success with us?

Take care and good luck staying away from drama if you can help it.