I have had an interesting few months. I'd been very depressed during the summer and agree to try ECT. I was doing the ECT as an inpatient to start. It seemed to go well, but I had to go off Lamictal and Epival (valproate,) my mood stabilizers, to achieve a sufficient seizure. I was discharged mid-September and continued to have ECT on an outpatient basis. The only medication I was taking at the time was the anti-depressant Celexa.

Long story short, I should not be taking an anti-depressant without a mood stabilizer. I went manic, mixed to be more specific, all the worst of mania along with depressive symptoms including the suicidal ideation that lead me to consent to the ECT in the first place.

I recognized that I was NOT okay and texted my father. I ended up with far less hair first though and over the process ended up spending my birthday money. I am glad I wasn't dipping deeply into savings. I had been trying to get in to see my p-doc and was on his waiting list for cancellations. As luck would have it, he had an opening just the day I needed it.

My Dad and I went to see my p-doc and after some discussion and a consultation with the p-docs as the University Hospital, where I had the ECT, and we decided that I needed to go back to the hospital. The p-docs felt mine should certify me, but since I was willing to go to the hospital willingly, he didn't.

I ended up getting certified/committed at the ER anyway since they didn't trust that, given the instability of my mood, I would continue to consent to treatment and they though I might later decide to leave on my own. I don't think I would have and it angers me that they took my choices away. I spent the night in the ER and was transferred to another hospital the following evening, the first bed they had available in the city wasn't where I'd had the ECT, but the first bed that opens up is where you are admitted, unless you work there.

I was initially given a bed in a 3-person room, but was so active, and not sleeping regularly, that they decided to give me a single room. The offered to transfer me back to the University Hospital's psych unit as soon as a bed opened up, and I considered it, but the GNGH, the initials of where I was admitted, has a better program for inpatients. There are group that you can go to during the day. They're about medications, nutrition, stress management, relapse prevention and similar topics.

They also got me of Celexa and onto Abilify which, thank goodness, doesn't cause weight gain for me. Shortly after we restarted my Epival (valproate) for the migraines and mood stabilizing. I'm also taking some Imovane for sleep and was take Seroquel for the same.

I spent 2 weeks in the hospital and was given passes after the first week. I stabilized and was discharged on Monday. It's really, really nice to be free. I'm slowly trying to put my life back together. I am on EI until I have finished re-certifying my CPR later in November. I'm planning on doing so community linking activities for people with mental illness. I'm making a quilt and I am starting Krav Maga since I bought 10 classes through Groupon.

I decided to go back to my t. This is going to be a large expense for me since she doesn't have a sliding scale, but she is the only t I've trusted enough to do work with so I'm considering it an investment. I have a tendency to either not bring things up and minimize things with most t's, but not with her. I want to avoid repeating the same patterns that land me in the hospital. The mania may have been unavoidable, but maybe I can avoid further serious depressions.