Hey there everyone! Not sure if anyone else can relate to this said post but,

Do you know what's fun? Pretending.

Pretending to be a normal person in public.

Don’t get us wrong, this isn’t meant to be a demoralizing post that we’ve made for the sake of sympathy from other systems. We’re actually fortunate enough to say that we’re doing rather okay for being a system these days. The only thing that seems to be causing the heartache happens to be pretending to be that said normal person out in public.

We have a job that we enjoy for the most part and we’re doing well in college but… we’ve kind of cut off a significant portion of friends and family recently because we’re… scared. Scared that they would find out our secret and God knows we already know we’re crazy but, we kind of don’t need anyone who would try to understand what we’d be going through and then later on think we’re nuts.

The people at work try to get close to us too because our department is rather small and theres only really about 9 people or so in it. So someone could imagine that they would all attempt to be good friends with each other. They’re all friends with each other on major social networks which is fine but… they sort of try to drag *us* into it. Obviously, we can't just blurt out and say, “Hey sorry, we can’t be friends with you because we’re a group of three guys stuck in one body that happens to have D.I.D. Thanks for understanding.” The worst part is that we’re actually there to get the job done and not to make friends with the said coworkers. Surely any system would know of the trust issues that come along with having the disorder. So of course, kind of quietly wipe away the tears at our desk because we have to keep operating under this facade of being a normal person and it hurts?

The same can be said during our college courses when we have to be put into group work.
Prof: “Yes, now we’re going to be working in groups.”
Us: *Deep sigh* Great. This again.

And then another thing happens to be a feeling of neglect and shame as a host whenever we’re co-consious but we can’t really have a moment to speak to each other because we’re too busy focused doing whatever we’re doing. Sometimes have thoughts about engaging in self harm but a promise was made a long time ago to the other two that "I" wouldn't harm our body. That being said, have never attempted to.

It’s like, ever get that feeling of some form of sorrow even though you’re doing everything right by the book?