A lot of the time I was a happy child, adventurous, friendly, curious and playful. A bit of a tom-boy too as I liked to play with boys, cars and sports. My family nicknamed me 'smiley' as I always had a smile on my face. At least, in front of them.

On the other side by age 9 I became obsessed with death and suicide, self-harmed often and had other twisted thoughts. By the time I was a teenager I experienced severe depressions and had a wild, self-destructive streak. I had my funeral planned down to the finest detail and obsessed over literature, film and music that expressed how I felt. At times I would be outgoing and upbeat then I would swing into a very dark place. No one knew what to do with me and I hid the worst of it from my parents to protect them.

Much of this can be explained by the severe trauma I suffered for years from a young age but my first manic episode occurred at age 22 so maybe bipolar was at play too.