And if I have avoidant personalitu disorder and OCD who do me various complexes in communication. I have need to communicate, not too much, because it bothers me in the operation.

I have one friend from high school and one friend from college and I see them rarely, once every few months.I took great hope in a regional forum like this. It seems to me that people in it are more correspondence on the internet and arrange meetings, but I am not succeeding.

Next year I will spend in the house in the countryside and do not have any friends here. The plan is that in this time I occasionally going to the city to the exams because I am a graduate student, other thing is to try make money via the Internet (amazon affilate).If it fails then I might find something to do in a more developed country, if even that fails may I kill myself if I stop thinking what will happen to my parents.

Otherwise my diagnosis give me a variety of strange things, from the fact that one of the reasons I do not use Facebok thought that I would kill myself and others will find out that and feel guilty, if in real nobody cares about anyone. I online have feeling that all the enamel in me and laughing. On Forums I obsessive about everything that I say have a bad influence on others, sometimes I see myself as a spy as Rose from Two and a half men. In reality falling in a platonic love for most of the girls with I need to communicate and lately I can not even eye contact to realize. Sometime I think I can be a support for girls who do not have a chance, but then I think I'm lying to myself just looking for sex, like other potential friends first I think I want to hang out normal and then I think that want to be just fine for me.... My whole life is connected to suffering and psychopathology and me do not attract fancy going out, facebok things selfie and other marketing things. Sometimes I feel to have a lot of energy for socializing that would be shameful to manifest, and sometimes I think I'm dumb and incapable of anything.
By writing this I went too far... to the confession.

So the greatest hope lay in getting people through twoforums in my region, I do not use facebook. So is it because of my mind that I can not find anyone to communicate and involve in community, how to change it?