Okay, so I have known the male friend in question a couple of years, we used to work together - and I have been with my husband over 20 years.

To give some background on me, I am quite an introverted person, although sociable and I have never had a whole load of friends. I actually ended up quite isolated at one point (as a young parent) because I hadn't maintained friendships, although up to a point I was okay because I had my husband and son and pretty much lived for them as well as my close family.

When son grew up my world was pretty small and I began to work at making and building friendships, it wasn't always easy to find people to click with though. I will add it wasn't helped by the fact my husband will only socialise with his own friends who he has had for years (who I like) and he does not like people coming back to the house so we can't have people over. My luck did change and I did meet some great friends, mostly through volunteering and also sport. I can't over emphasise how much this small group of close friendships matter to me.

At first husband was okay that one of these friends happened to be a man but over time that changed, I believe he may always have felt uneasy but was trying to override it. He has met this friend, and although it's fair to say they are not the same type of people and would never have chosen each other as friends they got on okay at the time. I wanted my husband to see that there was nothing to fear about this friendship, and I also wanted my friend to meet my family who are a big part of my life - friend (hereby known as f) has commented several times that it is clear to him how much I love my husband.

About a year ago my husband asked me not to go to f's place alone, I agreed, it was easy enough to meet up in cafes etc. Several months later he came in drunk one night and told me could never see f again because it was not decent for a married woman to have a male friend and I was setting a bad example to my son. I was actually coping with a period of depression at this point and being told I could not see a friend hit me hard. I did not see f for over a month, then husband said it was okay I could see him, f was actually very supportive with my MH issues as he has family experience of it, it heped me hugely to have someone outside my family to talk stuff over with.

Things were okay a while then again over a month ago husband (not drunk this time) told me I was not to see f alone. I complied and only made arrangements to see him with our friends in common (two women who are also good friends), unfortunately both other friends have busy lives and if they dropped out then it meant no chaperone so no meeting allowed. F continued to meet up with the others alone, their husbands were okay about it and did not see a threat.

This week I was due to meet up with f and another friend but she had to drop out, I asked my husband and he said it was okay I could still go, so it's like he's changed his mind again for the time being anyway.

The thing is I'm now like a bag of nerves, I'm on alert when I'm with f conscious of what I say, how I sit, what I'm wearing, questioning myself constantly. I always sit a distance from him, never touch him (he did pat me on the shoulder when we said goodbye and even that innocent gesture had me nervous). I worry that my husband will change his mind again and another angry outburst will come at me. Maybe it would be easier to fizzle out this friendship, but actually f is a really good friend, he's never been inappropriate, he's an introvert like me, he gets my MH issues and he's an all round nice guy. I keep my eye out for a suitable match for him, because he'd be a real catch for the right woman.



I'm not sure how to progress with this. My husband seems to switch between being okay with my friendship with f an not with little warning.

Thoughts?