Just a thought here....

I found out through my life experiences that I used to hold people away at arms distance and that it wasn't because I was wanting to be nasty and mean, it really was because I couldn't/wouldn't let them in too close so I wouldn't get hurt. I felt that if I could keep them away, even if it meant by being angry, mean, nasty, whatever negative way I could be, then I was taking care of myself.

Luckily for me, I found out what I was doing and why. It took me years to discover it all and even to this day I sometimes have to step back and regroup to find myself again.

Could some of this be true for you venusss? Are you trying to hold people back from you that you don't want too close to you by being negative and not nice?

I realized I could be nice and still keep them at arms length if need be. Being nice didn't mean that I was giving myself away or opening myself up to ridicule. It simply meant that I was being nice and they can take it or leave it, just as I could with them.