One part off this is that it seems easier, less frightening to stay the same than to try to change. The rest of us are trying to fight on every day, to have the patience to try until the med combo is best, and to control our activities to give us the best chance of getting to a good place. either you decide to try to outsmart the delusions or you dont. When you are ready you will go for it. If you werent getting ready to try, you wouldnt keep posting.