I'm sorry you're going through this, but I certainly don't believe you need to settle for being depressed the rest of your life.

Have you ever consider trying alternative treatment such as using amino acids to treat your depression and anxiety? If not, please consider it as it's extremely effective and fast acting with minimal side-effects because what you're actually doing is giving your brain the nutrients it needs to produce the neurotransmitters it needs to keep your mood stable and you relaxed and confident. Antidepressants don't enable your brain to produce fresh neurotransmitters, they just keep what you have from being reabsorbed [hence the name selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor] until it's worn out and worthless so a person ends up on another AD until they're on 4 or 5 meds that aren't working.

I was on meds for bipolar 2 for over 13 years with minimal results and a host of side-effects that made my life miserable. Finally when I developed a receding hairline, I freaked out and went off meds. Fortunately I stumbled on info about using amino acids to treat my bipolar, and have never looked back. I've been on them and lithium orotate, a mineral supplement used to control the hypomania for over 9 years now. My mood is better than it's been decades, I feel better and I'm not tied to a Pdoc who runs my life.

The only side-effects I've had is that the DL-phenylalanine [DLPA] has raised my blood pressure a bit, but I have low blood pressure so it isn't an issue. The 5-htp is known to cause stomach upset, but I've never had an issue with it although my husband did when he tried it once. DLPA is stimulating to the brain but not in a jittery excess caffeine way so it needs to be taken first thing in the morning. DLPA puts dopamine, norepinephrine and another neurotransmitter in the brain, and is used in pain clinic to help control chronic pain. It's used with dogs and horses, and I've given it to a couple of dogs who are now passed away as well as one who has elbow displasia. It's amazing how much more playful and happy she is on it.

I don't know if you realize that anxiety is a side-effect of a lot of meds. I had horrific anxiety when I went on a high dose of Lamictal to the point I was afraid to close my eyes. I remembered my sister mentioning that a neurologist told her that psych meds have anxiety as a side-effect so I googled Lamictal and found that anxiety is a side-effect of it. I suspect that's why you can't handle meds.

Here are some helpful links. Be sure and check out the brain function questionnaire as it will help you understand your feelings and emotions:

http://drjolee.com/Brain-Function-Questionnaire.pdf

Here are a couple of good articles on treating depression with amino acid therapy:

Amino Acid Therapy for Depression and Anxiety

https://www.integrativepsychiatry.ne...epression.html