I'm tired and bored all the time. I feel empty inside and want to work or go back to school but can't. I'm questioning whether or not to continue therapy as it's once every month or so. I don't see the point in it. I'm no longer on meds and don't plan to be any time soon. I'm not in a mood swing but still have a few hiccups now and then. I've withdrawn from people and hardly leave my house. I'm afraid to ride in cars now. I no longer have a sex drive because even a hug feels to close.

I'm starting to think I have a Personality Disorder instead of BP. I wanted to cut last night because my cousin in law came for the weekend. I almost took had to take a kilotopin last night to prevent me from hurting myself but I fell asleep finally. I'm getting lightly paranoid at times too but nothing to bad. My husband's getting frustrated with me as I'm not motivated to do anything and “not the person he met”. He feels he took away my personality. I'm even not letting my son go to D&D for fear that there will be an accident and he'll get stuck alone at night at the library with all the homeless people. My husband has been taking him alone to the co-ops. I don't even talk to my family. I've gone silent on PC and spend hours just staring into space.

How do I get back the outgoing me or find stuff at home to keep me occupied or at least handle getting hugged? How do I bring up to my therapist that I'm no longer on any medication and her schedule doesn't work for me?