i cussed at my bf's mom today and almost got into a fight with her.

well this morning, my bf was like "i'll make us some breakfast after i get out if yhe shower" and i asked if i coulf have the rest of the pasta in the fridge cause the other day he told me to finish it before it goes bad. but then he took it the wrong way when i asked if i could eat the pasta and thought i didn't want to eat his food. he kept yelling at me and i told him to stop, i told him i was sorry. then he was still mad cause i said i didn't really know what i did wronf, i wouldn't shut up so he pushed me into the shower and i fell. i got up and he said "you're so dramatic." and i asked if i could get a bagel from the kitchen (we live at his mom's btw) and she noticed i looked pissed off and we both didn't say anything to her, but wheh i went back into the room. she asked him what was wrong and he told her that he wanted to make breakfast for me but i refused. so i opened the door, i didn't even brush my teeth and i hadn't taken my meds abd i said "why are you talking about me" and his mom was like were not talking about you and she was like imm really close to him. and i tried to say something and i just felt like she kept taking his side and i was like "just be quiet you always take his side. this isn't even about you' she told me i was disrespectful and i called her a ***** and she yelled at me to leave. i brought up to her that he always puts his hands on me and she was like then leave, you don't pay rent anyways. i was gonna pay her and him but recently my bf hasn't been lettig me cause he knows i'm broke and i had to take out a loan to take care of myself. i'm so stupid. i can't believe i lashed out like that. my bf brought up how i got into a fight with my mom not to long ago too.

my bf told us to say sorry to each other but i could tell she hates me cause she gave me this ****** hug and said "im sorry that this happened," i think i'm going crazy.

i hate seeing my face and i can't forgive myself for how i act. i ended up just telling my mom what i said to his mom i told her that my bf and i have still been arguing and she was like "does he hit you" i just couldn't answer her. it's no excuse to cuss out his mom. she hates me, idk what to do. i mean, he says she doesn't hate me but she just is letting me stay there cause of him. my mom said that i need to leave and come back home, like to her place. im scared. i told a friend about it and she said i need to leave, and she said i shouldn't feel bad and saud that him and his mom are mean and it's ****ed up but i can't forgive myself. no matter what i'm always gonna hate myself.