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Old Oct 23, 2016, 02:23 AM
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Rose76 Rose76 is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,857
Hi unaluna. There are men who wouldn't want to be a burden to a woman, though I suspect they are rare. (I've only seen that in movies.) As a nurse, I've cared for men whose women left them when they became chonically ill, or put them in a nursing home. All of them felt the women had been harsh.

During his drinking days, he would steal from my purse. He doesn't do things like that anymore. But he doesn't have a history of being a real noble kind of guy. Yet, I stayed with him . . . so I knew what I was getting.

When I'm depressed I neglect things. That can create problems for me, as other depressives can probably relate to. He will, then, berate me for not being on top of stuff. But he forgets the depths of chaotic living that his past drinking led him into, including homelessness and jail, repeatedly. I say to him, "Can't you be compassionate toward me, since you used to want me to feel compassion toward you, when you would get all fouled up?" "And look how much compassion I had for you, when no one but me would even be bothered with you."

Sometimes, I wish I was a heavy drinker, instead of a person with recurring depression. Over the past 50 years, Betty Ford and others have done a good job of getting public acceptance of alcohol abuse as a sickness. And when a drinker goes on the wagon, praise is heaped on the person. People are given all kinds of pats on the back for quitting smoking. For some of us, maintaining emotional equilibrium is as hard as giving up cigarettes or staying sober is for others.

He successfully stopped drinking and smoking. Maybe that's why he thinks I should just stop having episodes of depression. In between episodes, I'm fine and get everything taken care of. I make sure he never runs out of clean clothes and get him to his doctor appointments, which are frequent. The fridge is kept stocked. I run all his errands and keep his apartment clean. He always has a sparkling white toilet. His meals are planned and prepared and cleaned up after.

But I do have these tailspins, sometimes rather often. So he will say, "Oh, this goes on all the time!" I can be fine for a few weeks, then have a tailspin of a few days, and he'll say, "Oh, something's always bothering you."

I don't go catatonic or hardly ever end up in a hospital. (Last time was 4 years ago.) I dependably take care of all he needs taken care of. People say he is so lucky to have me. He'll agree with them, now and then . . . but not when we're alone. If the dinner I cook doesn't come out perfect, he won't pretend to be pleased with it.

He says I shouldn't get mad at him because, "It's not like I beat you."

That's true he has never beaten me. What more could I possibly want in a man?
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