Everyone was telling the OP she shouldn't feel like a failure for taking meds. Isn't this invalidating the OP's feelings about taking psych medication?

I didn't feel like a failure as much as very anxious about being dependent on antidepressants.

I spoke to people who had "brain zaps" and other horrible symptoms when coming off of antidepressants. I found this out a few days into taking antidepressants because my primary care physician did not discuss side effects or withdrawal symptoms, and so, yes, I did go off them within two weeks based on new information.

Many studies suggest antidepressants should be only used short-term, and the person needs to augment the use of antidepressants with therapy and lifestyle changes. But I know several people who have been taking antidepressants for decades, and don't do therapy, and are not actively engaged in exercise, a good diet etc. They take the antidepressants because they are afraid to come off of them.

In truth, in all these decades it has not even been determined how antidepressants work. It is unknown.

As the pharmacist was handing me my antidepressants he said that they would return my zest for life, creativity, happiness etc. I now think it was unethical for him to make these statements. It wasn't his place to be making these kinds of promises. The pharmacist made antidepressants sound like miraculous happy pills. No one told me that antidepressants are only helpful to about 30% of the population.

Why does the responsibility always fall on the patient? If the antidepressant doesn't work the patient is told they didn't stay on it long enough, or didn't properly weather the side effects. My side effects were severe such as not sleeping for days, ratcheted up anxiety, and suicidal ideation. It was one of the worst experiences of my life.

This isn't like other disease processes. I take synthroid medication for my thyroid. It works. In 20 years I have had only occasional minor dosage adjustments. I can depend on my thyroid medication. I take it every single day, it works, and there are no side effects, except that it does what it is supposed to do which is to keep my hormones in balance.