Self-loathing clouds a lot of primal-do what's best for you-instinct. I don't care what you say to him, he should not be putting hands on you unless you are physically assaulting him. Unless you're physically assaulting this guys, he needs to learn to back the **** off. No, you don't deserve to have hands on you for speaking/arguing like any damn couple does. It sounds like a toxic situation; which leads me to concur with your mom and friend. You need to leave the situation entirely, especially since you have the opportunity right now; I'd take your mom up on the offer.