I agree with BipolarNurse that you're giving off vibes of posting for attention rather than advice. You won't take anyone's advice, and say that you think everything you do and feel is 'normal' though I suspect you, at least at times, know that these things are not 'normal' and you know what kinds of responses you will get ("This is not normal", "take your meds," etc.).

I just don't understand the need to ask questions that you surely know the answers to unless you are doing this for attention.

I think you are suffering and I am sorry for that. If you don't want to take meds, that's fine with me, but I think something like DBT might help to prevent you from doing these things, as well as helping with coping mechanisms, etc.

Please consider how you affect some people on PC, in real life, who are sincerely concerned about you and have been for a long time now (on this and other PC forums). It's frustrating, because you don't seem to want to take advice from the outset. I think you're stable enough at the moment to do so if you really wanted to.