thanks...

im just trying to understand whats going on inside of me...

i guess i should just stop being afraid to talk about it with the doctors...
and just ask them... im just scared of being laughed at for thinking it could be something like this... but it would explain everything... if the shoe fits... but i feel like a fool... because i feel like people are going to look at me and be like how could you possibly think you have that... and it makes me cry... because i've read so much and tried to research so hard looking for the answer... for the solution... for an understanding... for acceptance and the path to recovery....

but through all these years trying... nothing has felt quite as right as D.I.D. ...
and i know that sounds ridiculous... but its true.... and it scares me...

inside i have a war about it... and im just trying to prove it yes or no, true or false... to stop the war... because im not an idiot for thinking its a possibility.... but i am... im totally retarded thinking that it could be... but im not... because it might be... but maybe its not... but maybe it is... i just need to know.... and i dont know what to do...
i told my therapist at some point... i dont remember what i said to her but i know i said something about it...

sorry... im really sad.... scared... confused... lost... embarrassed... ashamed... and im here talking with people that know their issues for the most part, where im lost in a black hole and information i try to learn is sucked away from me leaving me in an unknowing...

im sorry if i offend anyone by being here... im just looking for answers... i know i have dissociation problems.... but i cant control...

life is so hard....