Quote:
Originally Posted by elevatedsoul
thanks...
im just trying to understand whats going on inside of me...
i guess i should just stop being afraid to talk about it with the doctors...
and just ask them... im just scared of being laughed at for thinking it could be something like this... but it would explain everything... if the shoe fits... but i feel like a fool... because i feel like people are going to look at me and be like how could you possibly think you have that... and it makes me cry... because i've read so much and tried to research so hard looking for the answer... for the solution... for an understanding... for acceptance and the path to recovery....
but through all these years trying... nothing has felt quite as right as D.I.D. ...
and i know that sounds ridiculous... but its true.... and it scares me...
inside i have a war about it... and im just trying to prove it yes or no, true or false... to stop the war... because im not an idiot for thinking its a possibility.... but i am... im totally retarded thinking that it could be... but im not... because it might be... but maybe its not... but maybe it is... i just need to know.... and i dont know what to do...
i told my therapist at some point... i dont remember what i said to her but i know i said something about it... 
sorry... im really sad.... scared... confused... lost... embarrassed... ashamed... and im here talking with people that know their issues for the most part, where im lost in a black hole and information i try to learn is sucked away from me leaving me in an unknowing...
im sorry if i offend anyone by being here... im just looking for answers... i know i have dissociation problems.... but i cant control...
life is so hard.... |
its ok many people are afraid to talk with their doctors. but heres a thought.... many of your posts say you want all this stress and confusion gone.. well how is it going to go away if you dont talk to a doctor. its not like people anywhere online mental health groups can diagnose and treat you. only you can make all these problems you are having go away.
my suggestion is to print off your posts and just hand them to your doctor. that way you dont have to tell them, they can read it. you can even hand it to them on the way out the door and ask them to call you when they are done reading all your posts. that way you dont have to go through being there and telling them. they cant laugh at you if you are not in the room right.
I actually did this once and the phone call was "wow so this is whats going on, ok heres what we are going to do" I was set up with the tests and treatments I needed for the issues I had wrote about.
unfortunately you can research all different things and end up diagnosing your self or jumping to conclusions and causing yourself stress or you can take the bull by the horns and actually do something to help yourself right. many of your posts say you want this stress and uncertainty to end well only you can end that by talking with your doctors. the decisions are yours to either continue as you are or talk with your doctors.