Okay, wow thanks everyone I wasn't expecting so many replies - really appreciate your perspectives on this one. I can't address all the points (not much time) but will answer justafriend's questions:

Q - would you feel perfectly alright were the roles to be reversed?

A - Yes, he does not spend much time with friends but I don't have a problem with either his exes or any other women he knows. Admittedly he mostly socialises with men and even then not often.

Q - are there aquaintanceships your spouse has that you feel threatened by?

A - No. He has had a couple of guy friends I did not like but it was his choice to socialise with them. I like both his exes.

Q - do you talk to your friend about personal subjects?

A - mh is about as personal as it gets. We don't discuss sex, that is a boundary and neither do I discuss my marriage.

Q - do you talk to your friend about your relationship difficulties?

A - Never. This would be a big no no.

Q - do you talk to your friend about things you wouldn't with your spouse?

A - No.

Q - who do you wish to turn to first to talk to?

A- My h. I turn to him first about almost everything. I trust his opinion. I often share conversations I have had with friends including f.

Q - Have you ever been dissappointed at having a chat with your friend put off or canceled?

A - If any of my friends cancel or I have to I do feel disappointed, no more so for f than any other friend - I used to worry they would dump me (that happened a lot in my teens) but these days I feel secure they will be my friends even if I don't see them a while.