I can't even describe how hard it has been for me since last session. I got quite delusional over the weekend. Then I had tons of clarity and for the first time wrote T a letter and this is me facing every defense mechanism, attention seeking and impulsive risky-behavior.

He never did call me back and that had both a horrible and great affect on me if that makes sense.

I won't hold back and say that the tough girl in me wants to kick him to the curb in person. I can't and won't do that though. I see now how he has tried in so many ways to provide a safe enough place for me to acknowledge my core issues.

Now I need to take it from here. What terrifies me is doing that and also what if he gets defensive with me as soon as I sit down? This will trigger me big time which could be good or bad.

Part of me wants to call the office and find out if he's done with me and if he is then maybe I shouldn't go?

Do you all see the problem here? Even as I type the distortions trickle in...I'm a mess!!!!