No need to reply to this if you don't want to. I just wanted to let it out. Feel free to share your motivational struggles as well.

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When I'm depressed like I am right now, I have serious problems motivating myself to do anything. Not a surprise since a lot of us BP folk have "motivational difficulties" at some point or another. But this time -- this time is different.

I'm "supposed" to go to an invitation-only tech conference on Thursday, and it lasts all day. I say "supposed" because I'm not strictly required to go, but it is expected that I go. (To be brief, I was invited by a company that wants me to work for them, so that's kinda why I'm "supposed" to go. And if I do get hired, I'd get a 40% pay raise.)

Oddly enough, out of the blue today, one of my old friends had contacted me. (FYI, I have no friends because I stopped talking to everyone. I couldn't keep up with maintaining friendships.) She wants to meet with me on Thursday, the same day as the conference. I told her about the conference, and she was like, "Yeah, we can hang out afterwards!"

So really, I have TWO big reasons I should go to this dang conference, but $hit... I still can't find the motivation to go and I don't know why I don't want to go. I just don't... And I can feel this inner tension gradually heighten between the part of me that wants to go and the other part that doesn't want to go.

I think part of me finds an all-day conference very daunting and mentally draining. It's in the city, but I live just outside the city, and commuting into the city during rush hour is a royal pain in the @ss. I'd have to wake up early and leave early given the time of this conference. (For various reasons, public transportation isn't an option; I have to bring a car, which complicates matters.)