atleast im not freaking out like i was before, right?

i dunno the stuff i wrote but i know that it was embarrassing.. im glad that no one here judges me for having been a bit stupid in writing a bunch of weird stuff back then, im afraid to go back and read it... and my therapist said that it might not be a good idea to go back and read it, atleast right now

not sure why that happened.. but im getting better at it, better at talking and asking questions (again) and im trying to talk about things.. i just gotta stop filtering and stop being afraid of them.. i just feel like they are going to take me away sometimes or im going to get in trouble, but i guess im starting to trust them slowly

writing on the forum is much easier than talking, when i try to talk about things like i write here i get really ... something... my therapist says that i start to look blank, vacant, and i have a hard time feeling like im there... hard to hold a train of thought, hard to talk about things when your brain isnt functioning

i want to print stuff off for them to read, but i dont have a printer...
would like to email them but i havent gotten permision yet but im gonna try to remember to ask today if it would be ok if i emailed...

i appreciate your advice, i am definitely talking with my doctors now ... i like the ones im working with now... before it was scary and i dont think they understood as they were treating me like i was just manic... not paying any attention to the abuse and trauma...
now they are focused on the trauma and abuse... so its slow progress, but progress none the less..

thanks you