Thanks for the support.

Yes, I guess I'll have to try my possible remote options.

It would also be great to find some good book for studying - I'm analytic, I like to be honest with myself, experiment, analyze my dreams and states of consciousness. I have read a book about neurosis, and again - it mostly explained what they are and how they develop, but did not explain much about possible treatments.

I suspect many professional therapists will not publish their best and most effective methods.

Yes, my overall anxiety level has always been high, this is also mostly because of my health issues. I have poor vision since childhood, so I have to be extremely careful everywhere I go and I have to double check everything. The fact that I "can't trust my eyes" has led me to general distrust in myself.

Also I feel like I have received too little acceptance from others. I have been praised for being smart, diligent, helpful and also I have received much help and sometimes have even been pampered too much, but I have never heard from someone that they accept me as I am and that they like me as a person but not because of my achievements or being helpful. For these reasons I feel like I'm trying to please everyone around me but I don't have my own wishes and dreams to fulfill - I'm just going with the flow and eagerly attaching to the first person who shows some interest, hoping to receive general acceptance and not just gratitude or something like that.

I like to be with animals - when I stroke a cat and when I hear purring I feel like being accepted "as I am" with no strings attached ... and these emotions also cause some kind of slightly sexual feeling. I hope I'm not becoming a zoofile In some weird sense this gives me a hope that if I meet a woman who accepts me and who is sweet, nice and tiny as a kitten, it might open my ability for physical love. But I haven't met such a woman yet.