Alex,
Your post was beautiful and touched me. You and T are clearly making contact on a deep level.

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but that is to divorce the content from the present

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There was a time early in therapy when I thought I could just plow through with whatever memories I had but I know now that what you say is so very true. Our traumatic experience must be realized in the context of our current life if we are to heal. %#@&#!~

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I might start loving me.

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I hope so, you are so loveable!