Healing includes mourning whatever one realizes was lost to them, especially when taking the time to think about one's childhood that had neglect and abuse in it from a parent. Anger, is actually part of mourning. It's ok to be angry, to vent that anger too. However, keep in mind that having a desire for a parent that neglected or abused you in someway admit fault if you point out how they failed you may end up facing a parent that is still not be willing to admit "fault". Unfortunately, that is something that is common and that can lead to someone feeling hurt all over again.

Often what happened in families is that children were told to "fear the father", the father was often the one who would punish if the child did something wrong. That was something that was unhealthy to have children feel about the father, and the damage from that most definitely was handed down from one generation to the next.

It is more important that you see the bigger picture often the problem with a father that a child ends up fearing and can be aggressive is a father that was raised to believe that was part of what he was supposed to be in the family.