Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv
. . .
Last night we went in there fighting after a really great week. Long story... bottom line, I feel that my h is a Jekyll/Hyde who can control what torments me, but pretends he can't. This week proved he can control it.
So, rather than giving him kudos and being happy with him, I am so hurt that he caused me years of suffering.
Instead of owning up to his misdeeds, he threw it all back on me. He always does this, has no empathy, won't accept fault, blames me instead.
. . .
I am defending my life here.
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My 2 cents -- I had a Jekyll/Hyde over which I had some but not full control. I was aware, worked on things as well as I could, went to therapy (psychodynamic mostly), did not have a lot of luck with that except that after an enormous number of years I'm some better now. Enormous number of years, lots of money, some therapy made things worse, eventually lucky maybe.
Interesting that therapists are now are saying that Freudian type therapy is "dangerous". Can be is definitely my opinion. But if that type of therapy is dangerous (plus long and expensive) I'm not at all sure that expecting people to "be better" all on their own is realistic either.
Extraordinarily sad. And frustrating.
I expect, based on my own experience when I was in my Hyde mode, that your H was feeling defensive and/or attacked, which brought up the armor and "no empathy"/all-me point of view. He's wounded, you're wounded, I sure don't have any answers. Sure wish I did. . .
