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Originally Posted by justafriend306
I disagree. At ten a child should be showing signs of independence and self reliance. This is a common age for parents to start leaving a child alone for short periods of time. So too I believe a child should be introduced to tasks around the house and take on responsibility for their own needs. For example, a child could be learning how to do their own laundry and helping out with meal preparation. So too I think a child at this age should be developing their own skills at emotional regulation and emotional problem solving. Sleeping with mom doesn't fit in with this. In fact my view is that it delays emotional and experiential development.
Ask yourself if his peers would find this appropriate and how they would react should this behavior be known.
I think you are best to encourage skill development and independence. I think a ten year old should have a large degree of resilience.
It can be very hard for us moms to cut the apron strings. Yet, I took a great deal of pride in the growth my own children experienced as a result.
Another issue that must be raised is our ability to say 'No'. This is so very important in child rearing.
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I agree. Overly smothering a child can lead to it's own set of problems, like codependency, insecurities, and even resentment and embarrassment.
Regarding the peers, it's not so much what the peers themselves think, but how the child sees themselves compared to said peers, and how concerned they might be about what peers may think, say or do. It all boils down to self esteem and the child's own stage of development. At around 10ish, most children begin to pick up heavily on behavioral and emotional differences in their peers. They also begin to compare themselves to their peers as a means of gaging what is normal and accepted behavior. It's all part of child development and psychology.
My brother is a key example of how such a childrearing method can be detrimental and cause rebellion later in the teenage years. He had childhood cancer, and seeing as he was also the baby in the family, he was often heavily smothered and spoiled by my parents. Around 10-13 years of age, he began to develop a sense of entitlement and overall resentment toward society and our family structure. Mostly it had to do with Dad trying to get him to go to his church, which he absolutely began to refuse doing. However, instead of allowing him to explore himself and giving him the freedom he needed to figure out what he himself wanted to be and do, Mom and Dad tried again and again to get him to do things they thought were best for him. He felt overwhelmed, smothered, and just plain oppressed. He began to rebel, wear dark clothing, and color and cut his hair in punkish styles. That in and of itself isn't too bad, however, he began to question authority, skip school, steal things, and disappear in the middle of the night, only to come back days later with no explanation as to where he had been. When he began to smoke cigarettes, Mom and Dad were concerned that he had been introduced to other, more illegal substances. They even took him, albeit grudgingly, to get drug tested.
There's difference between nurturing and being a helicopter parent. Don't be a helicopter parent. Just don't. Allow the child to be independent and instill in him the emotional tools that he can use to be healthier and solve tough emotional problems on his own.