That's exactly the case, yes. I'm very, very angry at what my grandmother went through and I'm also very angry at what I went through taking care of her. I have never been able to express that anger to anybody or in any way. I'm looking for ways to express it in a satisfyingly destructive, but not dangerous or harmful manner.

I googled around and found a pdf: http://www.vsof.org/articles/express...ger_safely.pdf

I really like the suggestion about beating up a trash can with a baseball bat, I might try that one if I can find an old trash can.

Something I wrote up above about breaking open a pen and smearing ink all over the place actually made me think maybe that's an option, but on a big thick sketchbook. I could call it a loveletter to Alzheimer's, and then go out and burn it in my fire pit. Maybe just writing angry curse words all over a sketchbook and then burning or tearing it up would be good. I like that idea.

Maybe rub coffee grounds all over the paper for all the bad coffee I drank all those times I was at the hospital with her, and maybe see if I can get some hospital visitor bracelets that I had to wear so much and burn those too.