Tomorrow I will see T. I look forward to seeing/feeling/being with him in the same way I look forward to most of our sessions. I need to be with him. I crave the comfort that only he can provide. What kind of comfort is that? It's an acknowledgement of my life experience that guides and validates simultaneously while calling into question false assumptions. The kind of comfort that you can only experience when you feel very, very safe.

But I also crave knowing that place inside of me I can reach only when I am in his presence. I am both awed and frightened by the depth of feeling that presented last week. In many ways I feel like my therapy has just begun. I am starting to know myself.

In so many ways I still find this relationship confusing because of the conflicting feelings I experience with him. I want him but don't want him . Yet he's always in my head and my heart.

I'm blown away.