Well I'm home again after group therapy tonight. I talked about everything I mentioned in my last post above -- Halloween, runners, wanting to quit, lack of desire, everything. I don't know why, but today I could talk. I think T was impressed. I don't know how I feel when I'm talking, but I did feel cheerier when I left. I even talked about how last week I was miserable and should I come if I'm like that. I liked that some folks understood the bit about being all emotional when I went over to the marathon. I'd felt kind of like a freak about it. But anyway, I talked a lot. T pointed out that I was talking a lot and mentioned that I had said (in individual therapy) that I'm often mute during group therapy. So he was pointing out that I wasn't mute. Good point I guess.

I mentioned that I barely ever bought new music any more. One of the girls in the group then offered to give me a CD (which she got from her car afterward and gave to me). It's Amy Winehouse (sp?) -- I like it.

So what the hell. Whenever I decide to completely give up on group I find it helpful. Still, the first 45 minutes I barely spoke and felt really awkward. I don't really much interact when other people are talking. I don't know. Then I basically dominated the conversation for a while.

Tomorrow night I have individual therapy (T is seeing me in the evening until I can get something worked out at my new job -- I'm incredibly grateful for that). I look forward to that. Individual therapy is still the best thing ever to me.

Thanks for listening everyone. I know I change my stance / attitude constantly. I appreciate all your support.

Sidony