Since I've returned home from 18months interstate I've actually opened up to my mum about what was going on when I was away, at the time she was so far away I didn't feel like telling her would help because she could not do anything & has anxiety issues herself, I didn't want to burden her. Now she's asked for my pdocs number in case she feels I need to see him or am becoming unwell. I don't want to give it to her, I know she would probably be able to find it fairly easily knowing his name but I feel like it's handing over some power or something. Before when it was just my partner I knew there was little chance of being forced into any treatment because he doesn't fully understand how seriously I was considering suicide (he thinks everyone does that sometimes), or that superficial self harm was anything besides attention seeking (it was more of self punishment & a desperate attempt to soothe myself). But my mum is petrified I will repeat the actions of her father & successfully end my life, she's more understanding of my condition, she's also probing me about my weight & eating habits. I know she's my safety net but Im still hesitant to let her collaborate with my pdoc in any way.