She said she didn't want to say "no" but she aldo didn't "want to give me false hope," because it will be up to the BPD team to decide "where I have the best chance to get better." Obviously they're going to choose with them, instead of with normal weekly therapy with her. I'm worried about getting too hurt or sad and quitting. This program is a max of 2 yrs but I don't want to wait that long. Aside from the cutting I did so much better with my old therapist even just once a week. The paranoid part of me thinks it's because she doesn't want me back but she's told me over and over how much she cares. The other paranoid part of me thinks it's because she also thinks I'mtoo sick, even if I stop with the SH. I don't believe I have BPD and I don't want the association, but I get no say. Even the label makes me want to harm myself. They both originally said I jst needed to stop cutting. I'm so tired, I still hurt from my uni therapust who hurt me so horribly, I just want to know if I stop I can go back in 6 months, or even 9 months. I think I cam stop cutting here, but the real deep things lkke anxiety and obsessing and self-hatred are going to be really hard to work on with someone I don't trust.