My best guess is expectations...


I may be wrong, but I know for myself, the moment there are labels and identifiable roles, expectations increase or enter the picture and anxiety shoots through the roof.


Funny enough, both my bf and I have this problem and neither of us are commitment phobes, it's just the perceived pressure a label can place on certain people... Why? Idk, maybe because we're both terrified of screwing it up.


Like, he may THINK he's expected to behave a certain way, I may THINK I'm expected to do certain things, WE may THINK our relationship has to follow some calculated timeline, etc etc etc...

When the truth is, we were good enough for each other before, so what on earth could have or should have changed.

This pressure just takes all the fun out of hanging out and just being together... Like you said it comes so naturally, it just feels right, like being home... And this pressure and anxiety dampens that feeling, which is especially bad if you consider he and I were friends for yearrrrrs before we started dating. It would've been a major buzz kill worried I'm living up to someone else's perceived expectations, and at least for us, not knowing when or why these expectations were suddenly even in place.


Tips?

Well we just agreed we'd take it day by day and didn't jump into the deep end. We agreed that we'd carry on as though nothing had changed. Even though we both made a verbal commitment to each other, that this is it for us.


That way I didn't worry that he expected anything specific (other than loyalty) from me, and vice versa.


This has worked perfectly for us, not sure how it would translate for other couples though, as we are admittedly a bit unorthodox in certain areas.