It is sad when we internalize feelings of being unworthy just because a relationship doesn't turn out the way we wanted it to. I found that in my young relationships, I never focused on any one of them. They were friendships that passed through my life as experiences for growth & learning & being able to care for people. Actually some turned into friendships that I kept even after I was married....maybe because I looked at the relationships as friendships & nothing more. I never allowed any one relationship to have control over me.....to make me feel that I was any less of a person because they or I chose not to have the relationship go past a good friendship level.

I learned when I was a child that guys were just like any other person. I wanted to be accepted by them as a person. I grew up in a neighborhood of only guys & as an only child, they were my playmates....going to each other's doors to see it they could come out to play. My being accepted by guys was always just that.....getting along & enjoying doing things together. Sure, there were guys that I was attracted to & they didn't care for me in that way, & there were guys that were attracted to me & I didn't care about in that way. If it got in the way of being friends, then we passed by on our way through life & that's just the way life goes. I actually had many guy friends that stayed friends long after I was married.

The point is that I didn't need to be "wanted" by a guy to make me feel valuable or worthy. I found that having them accept me as a friend, just as they would another guy, without all the physical crap to get in the way, was what made me feel valuable & worthy as being a person. To me, this feeling had to be a the base of any relationship in the first place. If it grew into something more....great.....if it didn't.....that's no big deal......I had a friend & that was much more valuable anyway. In other words, there was no rejection possible in situations like this......& no way that anyone could make me feel unworthy or less of a person because we our lives were just passing by if they didn't care to be friends.

It is sad when anyone can have that kind of power for that length of time (yes, you haven't been feeling this way all along....just now, looking back, after seeing him again). But these must have been your feeling at the time also otherwise they probably wouldn't have come back the way they did. Ships passing in the night ( friends that turn into acquaintances) is how I have always viewed men like that.

Another attitude that has always kept me centered also is that things happen the way they are ment to happen & when we have to force something to be.....then it shouldn't be & it's not because I am less of a person than anyone else....it's just the way things go in life & it's really no big deal anyway.

Sometimes we have to go back & look at the way we are looking at life around us....then & now & why in the world are we still looking at life the way we did when we were 18? We should have learned how to deal & accept things that happen in life as just that "things that happen" & not based on who or what kind of person we are.

Hope these thoughts might help some,
Debbie