So I am really aware lately of this desire for comfort and feeling really disconnected from my body...actually, I feel driven out of it by just huge amounts of stress and busy-ness and drinking and lack of self-care.

I have been having these images in my head of 'comforting' things - mostly involving other actual human beings, which is unusual for me. I don't find people at all comforting, mostly they just scare me. Even my H and I don't have a physical relationship any more, at all.

Last session with T I found myself imagining myself crawling into the chair beside him and resting my head on his chest, rubbing my cheek against his shirt. Sort of like a kitten. Before that, I had this fantasy about my parents being really supportive and kind and encouraging (farthest thing from how they ever were in life).

So I am trying to see these as signals that I need some gentleness and care and kindness. I do get this from H, even if not in a physical sense, but he, too, is busy and stressed - and what I am craving seems quite infantile. Not really 'adult' needs.

I'm trying to work out what I can do for myself, to provide some soothing and calm and gentleness. Yesterday I was just absolutely exhausted after a quick fire series of flights etc to another city for a meeting, and juggling everything else that is going on.

So far I have

- got a massage to calm my nervous system down. It worked.
- taken today off work to just get a breather. I've been feeling less and less productive lately and I think I need to recharge (this one not like me at all)
- made a booking for a restorative yoga class tonight
- arranged to meet a friend, just to catch up
- committed to myself to go to the gym today and at least move a bit, followed by sitting in the spa/steam room

Apart from meeting the friend, who is not a close friend, so I can't really 'talk' to her, and I don't know what I'd even talk about...is there anything else I should have on my list? I do feel less exhausted today, but I still don't know how or where to find the feeling I got when I thought about putting my head on Ts chest, or that 'conversation' I had in my head with my parents.

Where do you find that for yourself?