Patty,

Don't know if she has a trust drawn up or will or whatever, but that is important in time like this. My Mother had a trust already written after my Dad died, but had my husband we exctutor when I was having health problems. All of a sudden, she was going downhill quickly, just after Thanksgiving. I told her she needed to get the trust changed over so I could be the one taking care of her since my husband wasn't really a good choice. I couldn't be on her accounts because of our financial situation which really messed things up because in some of her lucid moments, I had to have her sign several checks....those were the ones the home care lady filled in & was going to cash except I was able to put a stop on them quick enough.

Since you don't have the financial issues I did, it's important for you to talk it over with your Mother. Your Mother knows the condition she is in (my Mother didn't believe she was in the condition she was in) & she would most likely be glad to set you up to be in charge of taking care of her finances. It is important to keep her knowing what is going on.....so that she still feels part of her life (rather than doing things without her knowing about it). Sure things might upset her a bit, having it become more of a reality, but it still is important for her to be a part of her decision making process. I'm sure that when you tell her you are staying home from work to care for her so she doesn't have to go into a nursing home & have other people she doesn't know, taking care of her, she will be more than glad to help out financially with your situation.

Trust me.....I know my Mother fought to continue being part of her life & never really gave up. With all the ID theft that was going on around her, I had to let her know what was going on. She didn't understand most of it, but I continued to keep her a part of it...it was difficult because the police were involved too & she wasn't really understanding what actually was happening to her. I wouldn't take the decision making process away from your Mom & they honestly won't let you take it away until she can no longer think or make decisions for herself. If she legally wants you to take over & give you complete "power of attorney', that's up to her, but mostly, they leave all that up to the person until they are no longer capable of even thinking or saying what they want anymore.

This is based on the experience I had with my Mother, her trust attorney, & her Dr's. It took 3 Dr's writting that she no longer could make capable decisions before I could take over.

Debbie