Thanks eskielover. All thoughts help.

I think that there was also sadness for the loss of a friendship. We were friends first. It just ended in 30 seconds and I did not even have an opportunity to really understand why.

This was a larger than life personality who made people happy. I was a little shy not the out going type. I have no doubt that it was not meant to be and also believe that things happen for a reason.

Obviously I internalised some of it as I never spoke to anyone about it.