This will be along read, sorry. You don't need to read this if you don't wanna waste your time. I need to vent.

Hi. Right now I'm having a free week off school due to half term. And so far this whole week, I have literally not dressed out of my pyjamas or gone outside. Literally, not figuratively. In fact, I only go out of my room to the toilet or for food. My friends suggested meeting up, but I refused.
I have been feeling this way as long as I remember, honestly, but instead of going away it only gets stronger by the day, and I fall deeper into this lifestyle.

I genuinely think I've become 'asocial', where social interactions just don't interest me anymore. My friends even snapchat me everyday, but i only reply once a day to keep the streak going and ignore any other notifications.
I've been feeling kind of 'dead inside, and though it sounds weird and cringey, it's true. I literally feel no motivation whatsoever to move from either my bed or my chair. Even though half the time I sit there in boredom and silence, and the other I stress and try to study. It's just like I have no energy at all, and my emotion only stays on 'neutral/empty' unless I get sad or angry about something.
I know I've been hurting my mum because she told me that it upsets her how I don't go out of my room and talk to her, I won't even go walk the dogs with her at least once. I just can't change that. Like I have no motivation to 'live' my life.
It's weird considering that sometimes I really want an interaction but only to vent what I'm typing right now. I'm one big paradox- Scared of being lonely but love being alone.

I hate myself for wasting my time away but I just feel incapable of social interaction or doing something. Just the thought of going outside, or meeting up, just make me angry and annoyed for some reason???

Ugh, adding to that, I just completely feel like I was just meant to be alone all my life and nothing can change that. Like I'm not meant to 'belong' with anyone or anywhere.

Thanks if you made it and read the whole thing. You don't have to reply, but it would be nice to have some comfort right now

{edit: sorry if this is te wrong forum to post this, I'm kinda new to posting}