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Unhappy Why am I not able to socialise and always remain under confident and stupid ?
I am in 1st semester engineering. It has been 2.5 months in college .Initially I got to meet many people in my class and become friend with many people. But after some time when people began forming groups . I never got into a particular group but loved to hang with one or other , this way I did not got into particular group . But then all my friends formed their own groups i tried one group and another but never liked any particular and moved on to next so at last I remained alone and my day to day contact with them become less and less and after these 2.5 months I have a lot of acquaintances but not a single good friend.
like in one group I have one person I like and in second group an other person I like . So I always feels like if I join one group I will lose contact with the person in the second group. I don't know why but I always want to have each one of them as my friend . And as a result of this over expectation got no friends at all.
My main problem is that because of coming from a poor background and lack of knowledge of English I was bullied very much in 9th-12th class. I became introverted and lost all my confidence. Till date though I have become good at studies but my confidence remains low as it is. Because of this I am not a person to hang out with. Nobody says but I know I am a very boring person. I don't know how to make jokes or laugh at other’s puns. Even when I do some time make jokes nobody likes it and I feel very bad. My talks to classmates just include stuff related to studies and all. Not the usual chit chat .
And another problem is I don't know why but I am not able to decide what type of group I want to be with . With studious or back benchers. When I sit with the studious group I feel like oh they are very boring let's go to the back benchers group. But again when I sit with back benchers I feel like, what I am here to study not wasting time by gossiping.
My mind always keeps fluctuating .I don't know if it is a disorder or not. Because whenever I take a decision . I cannot remain fixed on it. I will always find the fault in it. And would remain confused. I am also not able to judge my true potential like even if a want to join a quiz society but would join a dance society even if not having any interest in it . Just because my friend is also joining it. Thus getting no where to make new connections always remain in the same loop.
Though I am good in initiating friendships but eventually I would find the fault in person. Like he does not study I should not remain with him. Even like he over study and I should not remain with him also.
My mind daily remains busy in this thinking like Yes tomorrow I will join this group. Then again next day no this group is not suitable for me again another group and so on. And then when I will see the previous group happy . I would be like oh they must be enjoying very much . I should go back to them.
Because of this daily context of making friends I am not able to focus on studies my mind always keep roaming around it.

I made one close friend though but when I told him all about my previous experience how I got bullied and all he started maintaing distance from me .
don't know what to do in school I used to think just 1 year is remaining after that I will go to college and make good friend and become a normal happy person again. But now after coming in college I have again become introvert not by choice but by situation .
Now I sit in class in a group of 6–7 . But I do not really know any of them I am just there for the sake of existence . They talk and pay to me only if I start the conversation with them and not vice versa
People come to me only when they need help. But when I need help I am always ignored by everyone
I think this problem is from school .I used to be a very interesting and extrovert person. But When I joined a new English medium school because of my non English background got bullied by everyone . So I got no friends and got depressed but kept my attention on Academics. Thinking that don't worry just 4 years are there after that I will get into a college and get good friends and life happy. And I think because of this frustration of 4 years I always overdo things .and I am very depressed by the same scenario in the college. And also have lost focus in studies.
I have also lost interest in studies . Because of always remaining depressed and having no peer group. many would think that I am exaggerating the situation but believe me having no one to laugh with and confide to is very hard at least for me.
I AM NOT BLAMING ANYONE I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT IS WROMG WITH ME AND WHY NOBODY LIKES ME
I don't know what to do to improve my situation.

My parents are of country background and according to them mad people go to psychologist. Therefore I cannot visit a physiologist.

Please help