</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sunrise said:
Hi almedafan, you never know what will happen in session. Can you let it unfold and not have expectations? It sounds like your expectations are all bad ones, and how is a session to have a chance of being healing or helpful or supportive if the client walks in the room thinking that? It sounds like you've had a bit of a rupture with your T. Maybe this session will contain some repair.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

That is how I feel sunny like we ruptured. Its odd because I vacillate between clarity and despair and very quickly too. My thoughts go very negative and I say to myself 'no, he's never not called back, he's trying to get you to go crazy or quit (this is my dad talking to me and my mom). They always pushed me and I'd go crazy, raging at them, they would threaten to put me in boarding school so I didn't ruin the family even more.

No emotion was accepted in the house except anger because then they could understand that and fight back.

This is NOT my T...there is where the clarity comes in. But I'm not confident in that clarity or I wouldn't vacillate. I don't know why because he has showed me in many ways that he does get me and validates my thoughts...the second I think he isn't doing that or that he's rejecting me, here I am. The delusions got very scary for me since last session.

I will tell him all about it trust me. I have angry letters to him, and then a big awareness summary just full of confessions about the real me that I refuse to face. I'm scared to go there tonight.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
what if he gets defensive with me as soon as I sit down?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Can you share this fear with him? Maybe he can give some reassurance or simply show by his behavior that he is not defensive.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Part of me wants to call the office and find out if he's done with me and if he is then maybe I shouldn't go?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Somehow I doubt he would tell you this over the phone! Sometimes we have these extreme fears and when we share them with T, they go, "what??!!"

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

He has said WHAT before many times but this time feels different than the rest. Could he have not called me back as part of an intervention or something? Maybe that is why his assistant asked if my call was life threatening. No, they haven't ever said that to me but I sounded much desperate this time.

I said no because I was afraid of what would've happened if I told the truth...

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
He never did call me back

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I see it as a problem that his office administrator tells you he will call back and he won't. I think he needs to communicate better with the admin about his call back policies so that clients are not left dangling and get their hopes raised for a call.

Best of luck tomorrow. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you and sending good vibes.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">